Read the book - The Father's Home Birth Handbook

This is the Prologue to The Father's Home Birth Handbook:

When I first had the idea for this book, I joked to my friends that the title would be, She wants to do WHAT?!: a home birth guide for fathers. In the course of my work with pregnant women and their partners, I’ve met a handful of men who have been enthusiastic about the potential benefits and joys of home birth. However, I’ve met far more men who have responded to their partners’ home birth wishes with a mixture of shock, cynicism, and fear. On the face of it, these men have been kind, supportive, and intelligent, with a genuine concern for the wellbeing of their partners and babies. They have expressed willingness to rub backs for hours on end, to do battle with scalpel-happy obstetricians, and to tolerate labour-induced obscenities with a calm smile, but somehow, the idea of birthing at home has been a step too far for these fathers-to-be. Why?

Far from being domineering ogres who just want to see wifey tucked ‘safely’ away in a hospital, these loving fathers have simply had very little access to accurate, impartial information about the safety of home births vs. hospital births. What’s more, whereas women often hear stories from female friends and relatives who have given birth in a variety of locations and situations, men are a bit less likely to sit down in the office/bar/clubhouse to swap birth stories. What they know, by and large, is what they’ve seen on TV or in the movies, or what they’ve heard from their mates – which, with all due respect to Hollywood and to mates around the world, is not always accurate or impartial. Men worry about what their co-workers will think if they ‘let’ their partner have a home birth, they worry about the hassle they’ll get from their well-meaning mothers (most of whom gave birth in the medically interventionist heyday of the 1960s and 1970s), and they worry about the smell, the mess, and the sheer emotional and physical intensity of birth at home. Perhaps more than anything, they worry about the safety of birth without the tricks and tools of modern technology. Fathers’ fears and concerns have been paid scant attention by the mainstream media, but at a time when our hospital-based maternity services are in a time of crisis, men need to be informed and encouraged if home birth is ever going to be a real option for women.

The aim of this book is not to harangue you into supporting home birth. Admittedly, birthing at home will never appeal to all of the people, all of the time, nor is it clinically advisable in certain circumstances. Different countries will also have their own regulations and recommendations surrounding home birth; however, I believe that the freedom to choose your child’s place of birth is a universal human right that transcends political and medical trends. If you and your partner do choose to welcome your baby into your own home, then this book will hopefully provide you with some of the tools you need to make that happen, wherever you may be.

But don’t take it from me. I’m just one person with her own inevitable biases and back-story, and – as you may have guessed from my name – I am not a father. In addition to presenting some information that you might find useful as you make your birth choices, I also have the pleasure of introducing you to the 27 fathers who have been kind enough to contribute their stories to this book. These home-birthing dads range in age from 23 to 53; they hail from the UK, the US, New Zealand, Finland, and the Netherlands; and they include among their ranks an artist, a banker, a gardener, a U.S. Marine, and a cardiac physiologist. The birth stories you’ll read in this book are as diverse as the fathers who’ve shared them, from blink-and-you’ve-missed-it births to marathon three-day labours, from straightforward deliveries to complicated dramas. You will hear these fathers’ voices throughout this book: whether joyous, terrified, sceptical, or enthusiastic, each one is a true reflection of the home birth experience.

One of these voices will be that of Alan – my husband – who caught our second baby himself when the midwife didn’t quite make it to the house in time. A mechanic by trade, Alan now swears that this experience taught him that birth is ‘the greatest single feat of engineering in the world’. Will you agree? The day will soon come when you’ll find out for yourself. In the mean time, allow me to share some facts, offer some insights, and introduce you to a few more fathers who’ve come to the idea of home birth with open minds and loving hearts.